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Rain on the grass, not on the weeds

rain on the grass_edited

Children often act up
because they want your attention. From a psychologist with 20 years of
consulting and teaching parents and families, I can definitely confirm that
children love special love from their parents, this is how they measure their
value. Without it they’ll take anything they can get, including attention, even
negative attention.

Most children also love a
big deal…they want to copy it and make a game out of it because they are
naturally playful. That’s why they copy the school teacher making a cross face
and pack out laughing after. To them it’s all a theatre and strong emotion is a
brilliant theatre, right ?

So if you don’t want them
focusing on something, best way is to ignore it, even a few times.  So play deaf or walk away, when children have
tantrums and they will quickly learn that there’s a better way to communicate. I mean, you probably know
this already, but still without
a certain amount of spiritual fitness you are very likely to react to
challenging behaviour, if you’re anything like the 80% of normal parents out
there. So perhaps it is helpful to understand even more so, what else you can
do and why it is so significant.  

Kersey coined a term to
explain how we could give attention to the behavior we like—not the behavior we
don’t. “Rain
on the grass, not on the weeds”. In other words, don’t sweat the small stuff. Instead
here is three of the 8 strategies I developed to help parents communicate
better with their children, without criticism, blame, shame and
frustration. 

  1. Ignore it, even a few times.

Play deaf or walk away
when children have tantrums and they will quickly learn that there’s a better
way to communicate. This helps you develop your spiritual fitness by reacting
negatively much less and also primes your child to focus more on favourable behavior.

  • Exploit the “energy drain”

When a child acts up, it
can become extremely draining for you over time. Sometimes this has been called
the energy drain and if you use it right it can work to your benefit. For
instance, you might defuse a sibling confrontation by saying;  “Wow, you need to take that fight with
your brother somewhere else, because listening to that could cause me a big
energy drain, and I don’t think I’ll have the energy to take you to the park
after dinner if you carry on with it”.

  • Redirect, Redirect, Redirect

Kersey recommends offering
a positive behavior to replace misbehavior. This is much preferred to
constantly shouting “No”. The reason for this is that Kids who hear
“No” or “Don’t” a lot start to tune those directives out. Instead
of telling your child not to, for instance redirect them to something
else.  So for example, when s/he is
acting up at the grocery store, redirect the child to help pick out oranges or
rearrange the items in a grocery cart. A kid running around a swimming pool
might be challenged to walk “as if on marshmallows.”

Learning how not to sweat
the small stuff is as much for you as it is for your child, an exercise that
helps clean out your home from toxic shouting and screaming chaos and
reaction.  Instead learn to guide and
give your messages to your household in a powerful and firm clear and non
emotional style of communicate. Communicating better with children, without
criticism, blame, shame and frustration helps them develop a much healthier
level of self esteem and off course when they feel respected by you they will
learn respect for others because children copy what you do not what you say.

Catch the upcoming
webinars on HeartChild Harmony at Home May 31 on zoom or email Heleniq A for a
quick chat what to be focusing on next to get Harmony in your home. 

Heleniq Argyrou www.heleniqa.com

Peak Performance Trainer,
Heartchild Family Ultimate Peak Performance Program Speaker ahaiqmail@gmail.com +357 99238660 /
+31611101757 Skype : Ahaintelligence

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